Becoming Kings

Identity and change are inextricably linked

We all have pluses and minuses when it comes to our own condition. Some of us excel at work, love, relationships, while others inherently struggle with them. This dichotomy is part and parcel of the human condition. 

It is also what often holds us back from making lasting changes in our lives. Everyday topics of conversation like improving your physical health should also be acknowledged as changing who you are as a person. Expanding and changing the definitions of our own identities is crucial to making lasting change in our lives. 

It takes a great deal of effort and commitment to undergo meaningful change in our lives. Daily practice and dedication to breaking bad habits and expanding the idea of who we can be as people will help us expand our horizons and become the Kings of our Kingdoms. Sit with this episode and ponder how you can augment your own conception of what it means to be you.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• It’s time to change your identity. (0:46)
• Attempting to stop a bad habit? (5:24)
• Funny buddies. (10:05)
• When I’ve arrived. (14:29)
• How do people experience us? (19:06)

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Deadlines spur action

What are you looking to accomplish and by when? I know that if I’m not being held accountable, chances are I’ll just spin my wheels. Avoiding the difficulty of sitting down and concentrating on something we know is urgent is something many of us are experts at. Actually committing ourselves to deadlines though is one of the most important and simplest things we can do to improve ourselves. 

Deadlines are something to be dealt with in all aspects of life. If it’s related to health, financial, or family related, deadlines are almost always in play.  What we often lack when it comes to setting deadlines is a way of keeping ourselves true to them. There are any number of reasons to keep kicking the can down the road, however that’s not doing yourself any favors. 

On this episode of Becoming Kings, I break down why we avoid deadlines like they’re a sickness and share real, solid solutions to start attacking instead of running away from them.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• What and by when? (1:05)
• Let’s make a deal! (3:36)
• Small steps. (6:48)
• Little deadlines vs kicking the can. (9:16)
• Progress compounds. (10:43)

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Love is a minefield

Kimberly Hill took a roundabout route to becoming a leading men’s coach. She spent a decade as one of the only women on trading floors and then in the corner office as she rose through the ranks of the financial services industry. 

As she climbed the corporate ladder, she immersed herself in the psyches of how men operate and the imperfections that they felt. What resonated with her the most was how men often felt their self-confidence was at their lowest when they were dating or just after a breakup. Realizing there was a crisis of men feeling this way while also feeling the need to help others in her career, Kimberly now helps men navigate the dating sphere that has only become more complex over the past few years. 

On this episode of Becoming Kings, Kimberly guides us through many of the questions that men ponder in the modern relationship and dating world today. Let’s regain some of the self-confidence we often lack in this new and complex dating world.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Men’s Life, Dating & Relationship Coach. (0:47)
• Supporting men with their confidence in women. (9:16)
• Polarity is still needed. (18:58)
• None of your needs are being met and you’re resentful. (28:42)
• We ALL are doing the work. (36:40)
• How to create your authentic online dating profile. (40:57)

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My “aha” moment at the movies

Sometimes our most profound experiences arise from the most unexpected circumstances. And brother, let me tell you, I had one recently that you are not going to believe. Yes, it involves an edible. 

There’s a point to this, I swear.

While sitting in a movie theater (after taking a gummy that was way too strong for me) I began to experience immense paranoia of those around me.Walking out of the movie I couldn’t even remember, I had a lightbulb moment. There are people who live their lives like this every day. The paranoia and broken trust I felt is how others feel about everyone else all the time. They move through their lives with the expectation that the world is a bad place, filled with other entities and people they can’t trust. 

This is not an episode you’ll want to miss. Join me for a hilarious story that ultimately led to an “aha” moment about how we can help those around us extinguish their fears about trust.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Lie to me. (0:46)
• SUCH a great movie. (3:48)
• Missing the screenplay of your life? (7:25)
• Have you experienced a lot of broken trust? (11:01)
• A trophy partner. (14:36)

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Stop perpetuating the struggle

Last month I was my own guest speaker at November’s Meeting of Men. The big question I posed to all the guys there was simple. Why am I not the man I want to be? I laid out the 5 methods in which we perpetuate the struggle and silo ourselves off from growth.

1. Fatalism
2. Confusion
3. Fatigue
4. Forlornness
5. Fear

These components of struggle manifest in our physical, psychological, and spiritual health. They hold us back from living out our lives as the best versions of ourselves and slowly diminish our capacity for growth. Almost every man I know, myself included, knows how it feels to be held back by our own perceived shortcomings. 

This episode of Becoming Kings is focused on the 5 other ways we can become the kings of our kingdoms. My challenge to you is to be more intentional in your interactions with others in your everyday life. Let’s acknowledge those negative methods, but ultimately flip the script and use these qualities to enhance our lives and grow into men we want to become. 

1. Clarity
2. Intentionality 
3. Responsibility 
4. Consistency
5. Courage

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• The big questions for men. (1:28)
• Confusion. (5:17)
• Hopelessness. (8:57)
• Focus on a new five to become king. (12:20)
• Courage. (14:17)

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Becoming a student of spirituality 

Sam Kabert thought he had it all figured out. He was named one of Silicon Valley’s 40 under 40 at the age of 31, successful in his entrepreneurial endeavors, and was surpassing all his professional goals.

But it wasn’t enough.

The more Sam chased his goals and engaged in workaholism, the worse his depression got. The success he attained was always surpassed by the emptiness and lack of direction he felt in his life… until he found ayahuasca and spirituality. Once Sam began to engage with his spiritual side he instantly felt more fulfilled and connected to the world around him. 

I sat down with Sam and discussed a wide range of topics. From his mission of finding others find their Soul/Life Balance, the benefits of breathwork, and engaging with herbal medicines, we had a truly enlightening conversation.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Sam Kabert’s background. (1:32)
• Soul / Live Balance. (8:44)
• What’s the point? (16:53)
• The power of Breathwork. (26:31)
• Sam’s book on striking fulfillment in life. (34:54)

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Buzzwords that trigger instead of inspire

Progress. Improvement. Growth. Development. 

These are words that inevitably get used excessively in the self-improvement realm that we’re in. These keywords are invariably thrown around because they are at the core of the self-improvement journey. However, through conversations with people close to me, I’ve found that they can be triggering. 

Some of the concerns they’ve shared with me about those terms are that they carry a weight. A weight that says “you’re not good enough. You’ve tried to improve and achieve your goals but you won’t get there.” Instead of using these terms as a launchpad for growth, they become weights that keep us down. 

How can we come from a place where we are enough, but also doing the work because you’re always moving forward? How can you love yourself and be content with yourself while still moving toward Becoming a King? This episode is devoted to those questions and more.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Cousins don’t shake hands, cousins hug. (1:30)
• Where we’ve come… (7:24)
• You are enough and progress is natural. (15:30)
• Please, be sensitive to my needs. (24:03)
• There is grace in the joy of surrendering. (31:41)

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Missing the forest for the trees

How often do you think about work-life balance? Everyone needs to provide for themselves or their families, but at what cost? Simultaneously, we also will chase career goals at the expense of our own lifestyle, goals, and even health.

Are you spending your life chasing ghosts instead of enjoying the fruits of your labor?

Being a workaholic has its benefits, but workaholics also miss the forest for the trees. Finding that balance of hustling and grinding with living your life to the fullest is extremely difficult. The grind culture our society holds in such high esteem promises job opportunity and advancement, but it also guarantees burnout and a lack of fulfillment.

On this episode of Becoming Kings, we’re going to put work and the grind to the side so we can discover what makes us feel the most fulfilled. Let’s start pursuing the things that matter most to us.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• A life of putting out fires. (0:47)
• Fall in love with life! (4:16)
• The grind culture. (8:08)
• Advice from our elders. (11:43)
• Are you truly grateful? (15:13)

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You can’t steer a parked car 

How one harnesses their life experience is integral to their identity. Mark Edward Davis is all too aware of that fact, as he has gone through more peaks and valleys than you can imagine. It is imperative that we recognize that we are not alone when we are in one of those valleys.

Mark works to help men use their lived experience to find hope in the darkest of times. Everyone has felt like their suffering, struggles, or feeling stuck in their lives is unique to them. And yet, so many of us could just as easily talk to someone we know and find that these inner struggles are very common. Mark works to help men realize this fact and utilize their lived experience to mold them to become better versions of themselves. 

Living authentically is at the heart of Mark’s mission. That ethos, living your truest and best life, is essential to any man’s lifelong journey through the decades. On this episode of Becoming Kings, Mark and I had a wide-ranging and informative conversation on how we can all live our most authentic lives.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Bromancing it up! (2:01)
• What each decade represents for men. (11:28)
• Seeking truth around the world. (23:03)
• Three core elements of a man’s heart. (34:19)
• Learn each other’s cups that need filling. (46:00)
• Finding a level of equilibrium. (56:13)

Resources from the episode

Iron John: A Book about Men
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
Halftime by Bob Buford
Wild at Heart by John Eldridge
Confidence of the Authentic Man by Mark Edward Davis
How to lead in Crisis by Mark Edward Davis
AuthenticMan.com

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We’re our own worst critics

How do you treat yourself in your own head? We think that being hard on ourselves is a challenge that will help us rise to the occasion. But when was the last time you felt actual progress after telling yourself “I’m not good enough, strong enough, capable enough,”? 

Why can’t we realize that criticizing ourselves is almost always harmful?

There’s a vast difference between looking in the mirror and telling yourself lies about your character vs giving yourself grace and space to say we’re learning. You win or you learn. But so often we tell ourselves lies that only bring us down, and more importantly, further away from our goals. 

This is an episode that is particularly close to my heart. Let’s start giving ourselves some credit and stop beating ourselves up.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Divisiveness doesn’t work. (1:42)
• Lessons from the gym. (7:42)
• #metoo movement & crickets. (14:44)
• We think challenging ourselves will work. (22:01)
• Give yourself some more f-ing credit! (30:03)

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