Becoming Kings

Overcome the stories, become empowered.

From time to time, it’s good to audit where we are in life. Even if it seems like everything is going fine, sometimes we find that our trajectory has been sabotaged by the stories we tell ourselves. And when we’re feeling like victims it’s very easy to spiral. 

That’s where Lance Essihos comes in. 

As a podcaster and author, Lance has shared the story of his life to hundreds of thousands of people around the world, from his intense losses to his battle with addiction. When you look at his life, it seems like Lance shouldn’t really be where he is today—and he got there by shifting the story he told himself. 

Leaving the negativity and pain behind, he forged ahead with a mission to leave the world in a better place than he found it. Which is why he’s joining me on this episode of The Johnny King Show. 

The work I do with men often uncovers defeatist stories and trauma that are hard to deal with. Lance is bringing his mastery of adversity to the table so we can learn how to overcome it in our own lives so we can become the Kings we desire to be. 

Join us for a deep conversation about life, meaning, and rewriting our stories to take us from a state of victimhood to empowerment.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Intro to the man, Lance Essihos. (0:59)
• Podcasting is therapy. (7:47)
• The body is an organism of energy. (17:03)
• 5 steps to overcoming adversity. (26:00)
• The tool of the University of Adversity. (36:11)
• How our stories stop us. (44:27)
• Mastering Adversity Book & Live Summit. (51:36)

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Getting clear on your vision…

Before we can really get where we want to go in life, we have to figure out who we want to be. Understanding your desire to impact people a certain way, to be received how you see yourself, and move through the life of your design can only come with a roadmap drawn with vision. 

Many of the men I coach have been stuck spinning in circles because they “wing it.” 

Eventually they find themselves dazed and confused, and it comes from not knowing what their true needs are, what their purpose is, or what they want life to look like. Sometimes they make the same moves as their parents because it’s what they know, other times they run like the influencers they consume… which leaves them just as unfulfilled. 

How are you supposed to get anywhere if you simply don’t understand what you’re working with? 

As The Johnny King Show heads toward a rebrand and a refocus, let’s take some time in this episode to double down on learning how to consider our personal objectives and actually implement changes to make them happen. 

Are you ready to get to work with me?

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• The answer to men’s confusion. (1:02)
• Attached? (4:15)
• The mirrors around us. (8:28)
• Has your relationship lost that loving feeling? (12:12)
• How is it important for you to show up? (16:53)
• Doubling down on men’s work. (20:08)

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Violence is never the answer.

I’m left a little shocked at the events in Colorado this week. We’ve had several mass shootings around the country recently, starting with the one in Atlanta. I could join many others in their battles against gun violence, yet I want to step back and ask a simple question:

Why are so many men driven to extreme violence?

Mental health certainly plays a part, however there’s got to be something more. If it’s not guns, it’s planes, if not planes, cars, if not a vehicle perhaps bare hands. The instinct to kill for some of these men is not going to stop if we just take away all the weapons. 

It would absolutely help to limit access to weapons, yes. However this violence feels like an epidemic that’s being misdiagnosed. 

I’d go out on a limb here and say that it’s got something to do with what we’ve been talking about lately here on the show—damage done to us as young boys. It’s chilling to me that these violent men all seem to have something festering inside that drives them to take deliberate action to spread that pain to others.

It’s an enormous problem. Let’s try to see if we can get to the heart of it.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• 7 mass shootings in 7 days. (0:57)
• Men and their wounded child. (3:52)
• Men and their need to feel of worth. (7:39)
• Violence and significance. (12:39)
• Do the work of healing and integration. (15:24)
• Thoughts and prayers to the victim’s families. (18:34)

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The Golden Rule Revolution.

Processing trauma can take a lot of different forms. For Lucas, it looked like leaving it all behind after a suicide attempt at 20 years old, and finally grappling with it years later when his pain came out in behaviors he didn’t understand. 

Now an entrepreneur, author, speaker, consultant, and podcast host, Lucas shares the tools and healing he acquired on his journey and shares them with men to give them permission to face their pasts, move on, and grow into who they want to be. It’s all about treating people the way you want to be treated—that includes facing incorrect beliefs about yourself to make sure you’re truly loving yourself and others! 

Lucas seems to be the kind of guy who defied the odds. He pushed himself beyond the pain into wild success, however he wasn’t able to run forever. Many men buckle under the pressure and yet he managed to keep his head up and seek the help he needed to set himself straight. 

This time on The Johnny King Show, Lucas and I are not only digging into his story… we’re grappling the realities we often run from, the mindsets we can implement to heal, and a whole lot more. 

I would like to provide a light trigger warning: Lucas shares a bit about his story, so if you’re sensitive to stories of child abuse, definitely pace yourself. While it’s not overtly graphic or anything, it’s a challenging subject.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Exploring the fullness of who you are. (1:47)
• Too little too late. (8:46)
• NLP is a double edged sword. (17:11)
• What truly matters. (25:56)
• The power of hope. (35:06)
• Healing is the most powerful thing we can do. (41:58)
• The importance for men to learn how to receive. (46:21)

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Watch out for the iceberg…

We’ve all got trigger points stemming from our childhoods. Mine come from what I’ve dubbed “The Father Wound” in earlier episodes. Basically, because my father was distant, busy, and running from his own demons, it developed a nice little “abandonment” complex in me. 

And relationships seemed to have a knack for bringing it out. 

“Johnny, what does that have to do with icebergs though?” 

Well, there’s this idea that we only see five percent of the problem at any point in time… not unlike how you only ever see the peak of an iceberg. 

So, when I was careening toward divorce with my ex-wife, we kept fighting about a ton of things, however we weren’t addressing any of the real problems. It turned out that the root of the problems went a lot deeper than they seemed.

Later, my emotional iceberg was the catalyst for most of my dating relationships failing. So, today on The Johnny King Show, we’re going to take a look at how you can start to heal in your life by identifying the emotional icebergs in your life. 

By the way, I’ve got something new in the works for those of you men who are feeling stuck. You can flag your interest in learning more about freeing  yourself from the forever rut, by clicking right here.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• The power of relationships. (0:43)
• Did you feel seen, loved and safe as a child? (3:39)
• Were you abandoned or confused as a child? (7:12)
• Wounded children fighting against each other. (11:44)
• The difference: Needs vs Neediness. (15:44)
• The real work is done within. (18:56)
• Do you feel stuck and in a rut? (21:14)

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Looks like you need to clean up your runway.

One of the biggest reasons my clients feel like they’re unable to soar and take charge of their lives is because the runway to take off is packed with stuff. 

Listener, if you’ve ever tried to make significant change, odds are you’ve encountered overwhelm. Perhaps you’ve even experienced overwhelm before making big changes, too. It’s the #1 thing that gets in the way of taking charge of our lives… 

So what the heck can be done about it? Well, I’ve developed some systems and strategies that the folks I work with have implemented in their lives to defeat overwhelm — and they work! 

In this episode we’re going to unpack a few different boxes including understanding the “why” behind overwhelm, and the “how” you can use to start making a bigger difference in your life. Change comes when we put in the work and have a plan. I’ve got your plan, all you need is the show up with the work. Let’s go!

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Maximizing your life for efficiency. (0:42)
• Too many distractions = overwhelm. (3:01)
• “Done-With-You” vs “Done-For-You” (6:03)
• Eliminating distractions brings clarity. (8:53)
• Time to audit your life now. (11:44)
• Schedule your life for Importance & non-urgence. (14:17)

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Forget the sales information dump… tell a story.

Part of becoming the King of your Kingdom means having a pulse on your finances, business, or professional future. Some of us in this community are entrepreneurs who struggle to get the ball rolling or bring their vision to life. 

One of the reasons I hear the most is “I suck at selling.” Man, I feel that. It took me years to develop the skills I needed to form relationships and sell. If you’re looking for a way to get your business or career off the ground, I have someone here on the podcast who can help:

John Livesay is an entrepreneur, keynote speaker, and storyteller. His business? Teaching sales teams how to improve their sales techniques by helping them think outside the box. John is a mastering of making sales information relatable by approaching customers with something more accessible: 

A story. 

It’s tricky to realize your dreams if you find it difficult to enroll others to support you in your journey to get there. Whether you need support learning the skill of storytelling, or you’re a selling pro, this episode will give you some new tools to play with!

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Words go here. (0:36)
• Life without a resolution. (7:00)
• The Question brings to light the Story. (14:21)
• Being our own lifeguard of our life. (21:36)
• The importance of patience. (28:51)
• Yes AND…(35:10)
• Stacking moments of certainty. (40:31)

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Discovering the line between work and play.

Tiger Woods is a lot more like most of the men I work with than you may think. How?

Well, he got his start with golf at an early age. His father was intent on ensuring his son was the next golf superstar… even if he would pay lip service to the idea that Tiger could do what he wanted with life. 

Any moment Tiger was living for himself his family would swoop in and convince him that his life was golf. And so began his spiral into partying, mistresses, accidents, and the handful of sagas that would inevitably land him in the news. Sounds like famous people problems, right?

The core of his journey to realize himself is what I want to focus on because in that way he’s had the same burdens that many of us had, or continue to struggle with: Living for the approval of others. Making choices that fulfill other’s desires for us while forsaking our own.

If you’ve been dealing with the feeling like your life is completely beholden to others, I think this episode can help! Listen now to learn an important lesson from one of the best golfers of all time.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Tiger Documentary on HBO. (0:44)
• Earl Woods’ shenanigans (3:34)
• Whose love do you crave most? (6:55)
• Integration, not healing. (11:06)
• Tiger’s emotional stuntedness. (14:12)
• Tony the Tiger. Lol (16:42)
• The difference between work and play. (19:07)

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Fortnite, skiing, girls, and emotional intelligence.

It’s time to hang up my hat…

Just this one time because JJ, Gina’s son, is guest-hosting the show for this one! You didn’t think I was actually going anywhere, did you? In case it wasn’t abundantly clear, this one is a little different from what you may be used to. 

We talk about school, girls, the magic of skiing, what it takes to become a professional gamer (y’know eSports are all the rage these days), and what it’s like to be on the cusp of becoming a teenager. 

While we’re not explicitly talking self-improvement stuff here, a significant perspective shift like this can be really important for us. Honestly, I never thought I’d be sitting down with a twelve-year-old to learn about his experiences in life. How often do we miss out on opportunities to learn from those younger than us? 

He may be young, however I think he’s got a good head on his shoulders. I’m willing to bet you’ll learn something lasting from this one, listener!

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Twelve AND A HALF! (0:45)
• 10 years of skiing and counting. (4:43)
• Five love languages of a pre-teen. (8:57)
• Unlocking new levels. (13:24)
• New hobbies. (18:06)
• A new incredible game to play. (22:10)
• Real life Fortnite. (25:05)

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Doing more with the time we have.

Can you imagine leaving a stable, salaried job behind, for a full-commission role? That’s exactly what Kevin Holtz did when he left behind his full-time nursing job to start working in business. 

This one change opened up doors to become a business owner and motivational speaker, along with many opportunities he never expected. How was Kevin able to manage such a drastic shift in his life successfully?

Books. Like, a ton of books. 

Kevin often reads 2-3 books a week, every week. His business mentors taught him that in order to become a leader he’d have to read constantly, learn constantly, teach… constantly. By relentlessly pursuing knowledge, Kevin has come to understand the roles he plays in his (and others’) lives better than ever before. 

He owes much of his success to reading and teaching other people. In the pursuit of doing something more meaningful he’s discovered a desire to constantly give and impact others. Sharing what he learns is his way of giving back to friends, family, and the communities around him. 

This time on The Johnny King Show, you’re going to learn what it looks like to lead like Kevin, pursue the knowledge you need to grow and challenge yourself, while also leaving behind a legacy that serves everyone you care about.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Intro to who Kevin Holtz is. (1:01)
• Mindset. Gifted or acquired? (7:47)
• How the hunger for book reading was born. (16:16)
• An example to emulate. (24:31)
• Negative vs positive thoughts. (32:41)
• Benefits of pouring positive thoughts in! (39:24)
• Health begets more health. (45:38)

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