Becoming Kings

Every relationship follows a series of steps towards success or failure.

What step of the relationship lifecycle are you on? Maybe you’re on Step 1: the low-stakes, low-expectations interest stage where you’ve booked coffee together. Maybe you’re on Step 6: in the midst of relational bliss with devotion and working to keep things interesting! 

Others are at the end of their relationships, or anywhere in between. It’s important we understand where our relationships are because we may miss some green lights, or even red flags that we should take seriously. 

The truth is, relationships are tricky and because each person is different, some aspects are going to happen at different times. It’s also increasingly important to keep things novel and fresh if you’re in a long-term relationship, which means you need to know where you’ve come from so that you can keep your spouse or significant other interested, engaged, and cared for. 

If relationships are on your mind, you won’t want to miss out on this comprehensive list of the 8 stops along the “relationship lifecycle.”

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Conception to Death of a Relationship. (0:51)
• Stages one, two and three. (4:53)
• Agreement on the values within a relationship. (9:16)
• What happens if the devotion is not maintained? (14:27)
• Distance and isolation increases. (18:55)
• Are you devoted to it long term? (23:06)

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More Money, More Problems… Right?

Real talk for a second: money isn’t really all that. YES, it’s absolutely important, however there’s a trap many of us fall for. And it’s the biggest roadblock to being fulfilled and feeling successful. 

Can you guess what it is?

Thinking that you only deserve happiness AFTER you’ve hit a certain threshold. 

Sure, delayed gratification is a useful tool (and one that I use often). Yet if you’re always chasing a carrot you can never snag, at some point you’re going to give up. Which is why, we need to get real with ourselves about what success is AND what it’s not. 

For some their focus on money keeps them coveting what others have. For others, money is an endless vortex of feeling like it’s not enough. In this episode we’re taking a step back from the world’s definition of success and finding our own. You’re going to find out the secret to knowing when you’ve “made it.”

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• How do you gauge success? (0:32)
• How do you remain motivated when your needs are met? (4:12)
• Are you driven by pain or purpose? (8:30)
• What’s the REAL value of things? (13:13)
• You ARE fully loved, right here, right now, always. (17:44)
• Fueled by growth, not insecurity. (20:47)

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Embrace a commitment to growth and being the best version of yourself.

So, I took a handful of different “implicit bias” tests after my buddy Rashaan urged me to. And with the topics of race and politics being so heated lately, I thought this would be a good time to do some positive reflection. 

Through taking these tests I realized a few things about myself, the biggest one being: I really like to have things in boxes. One of the big positives about knowing this about myself is that I’ve got really concrete steps to throw those boxes away. 

As I’ve spent time with a more diverse group of people, I’ve begun to feel my biases fall away, and in their place a broader outlook on life and the world has emerged. Now, this isn’t some sort of bragging moment. I know I’ve got a lot of work to do. 

What I am aiming for is to make this episode a moment of inspiration for you. With all this negativity, anger, and sadness washing over the nation, consider the ways you can commit to improving yourself each and every day. Perhaps it’s finding new people to meet. 

Maybe it’s challenging your status quo.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Continuing to grow. (2:40)
• Take the test. (3:58) – Harvard’s Project Implicit Test
• We fear what we don’t understand. (7:27)
• Understanding your own implicit biases. (11:29)
• It’s important to see and respect color. (14:51)
• Acknowledge your bias. Then do the work to grow. (18:14)

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Sometimes you’ve got to run 50 miles to find your path forward.

Sterling Hawkins is no ordinary guy. Ted talker, serial entrepreneur, and all out adrenaline junkie, Sterling found himself at a crossroads this past March. He’d lost seven figures in business overnight, and his Netflix + pizza pity party was starting to become a lasting habit. 

So he did what any insane man on par with David Goggins would do: run until he couldn’t run anymore. His mindset was totally shot, however he set himself up to succeed or disappoint himself and many others. It was enough to carry him to the finish line! 

By embracing discomfort by mile 48 he was excited to get those last two miles in and finish strong. It’s not that it wasn’t brutally difficult all weekend long (he was running 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours), it was that he was conditioning his mind to get beyond the discomfort of his situation.

And so #NoMatterWhat was born. Now he’s taken everything that he’s learned and recompiled into a five point process that can help anyone bounce back. In this interview, Sterling and I are digging into the story of his success, failure, and rebirth in the coronavirus business landscape… and how you can succeed no matter what.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Discomfort and talking TED. (1:47)
• Commit yourself so deeply there’s no turning back. (6:47)
• Two lessons learned from his first keynote. (14:17)
• The true Adventure Man. (23:06)
• Balancing Surrender & No Matter What. (29:47)
• What discomfort is Sterling hunting? (34:53)

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I’ve got a few powerful affirmations memorized… and hanging up in my bathroom.

This episode is a quick one. Usually I share some sort of look back at my life on Fridays, however this time I felt the need to be brief and a different kind of personal. 

Rather than a look back at my life, you’re getting a look into my head. Don’t worry, it’s not scary there, rather, I’ve got three mantras I have taken the time to memorize and internalize. I chose them because they resonated deeply with me, and because they always remind me that I’m capable and worthy. 

Maybe you have something you tell yourself (and if you do, hopefully they’re uplifting). If you don’t perhaps what I’ve got to say today will inspire you to find your own. Of course, I can’t spoil them here, you’ll just have to listen to this 7-minute episode to find out what they are!

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Three Incantations. (1:08)
• #1 Og Mandino. (2:45)
• #2 (3:56)
• #3 Marianne Williamson (4:36)

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Revenge of the “5 Love Languages”

Just kidding. No revenge, just a deeper dive into the topic! I chatted about these love languages more than a few episodes ago and I wanted to revisit them for one reason:

Love is hard work. 

And sometimes we need a reminder of what we can do to make things work (or realize they won’t). This episode is called what it is because so often, we get into our relationships without any idea what we want to build. 
There’s a lot to dive into including love tanks, the honeymoon stage, the two year length of relationships that don’t get worked on, and more. However you need to do one thingbefore we start if you haven’t:

Take the 5 Love Languages test right here.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Christmas in October? (0:32)
• Take the test. (5:38)
• The “in-love phenomenon”. (11:50)
• The value of being multilingual. (18:40)
• Quality activities and conversation. (24:41)
• The Power or Failure to thrive! (29:56)

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Discover the truth about who you are.

This time on the podcast, I welcome Ranes Sangha. 

She’s a corporate stress coach, and cares deeply about helping her clients get to the root of who they are. Her goal is to help them understand their needs, desires, and overall identity, which can create a more fulfilled and successful life. 

As we talked with each other, we delved deep into the impact of the work that I do with men, and how Sangha is seeing the pressure of society press down on men more each day. Men very rarely know what to do with themselves AND their biology. This comes out as massive stress in the workplace, and destructive behavior at home. 

In this episode Ranes and I shoulder the task of understanding masculinity on a broader level, to expose where men are stretched too thin — how we can get back to something more normal, predictable, and healthy as a society. 

Beat the feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Jump into Episode 103 of The Johnny King Show.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Ranes’ background. (1:28)
• Ranes passions are birthed out of pain. (10:28)
• “Nothing in human behavior has changed.” (21:58)
• Domestic violence and anger. (31:42)
• Life compass and non-negotiables. (40:08)
• The only 3 things you can change in this world. (47:23)

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Did you know that there are 12 categories that can cause trouble in a relationship?

Ah, the Dirty Dozen. The 12 Comrades of Trouble. Actually, they’re really just a dozen of the most contentious parts of a relationship that should be addressed, talked about, and agreed upon. 

I won’t put the whole list here. However, in this episode I’m diving into each of these topics to give you the insight you need to bring them up in your relationship (or future relationships). The first three are some of the most important: Money, Kids, and Sex. 

I’ve seen many couples experience extreme dysfunction because they’re simply NOT on the same page about one, two, or even all of three of these. One causes peripheral stress. Two can create persistent irritation, and three… man. Things can get really bad. 

Truth be told, with any of the 12 completely unhinged, things can be really bad… which is why if you listen to this episode you should be ready to have a conversation with your S/O if something is out of place in your life together.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• Relationships are where the juice is. (0:52)
• Having a relationship beyond our wildest dreams. (4:49)
• Men who have no friends. (9:29)
• The antidote to the dirty dozen. (14:30)
• What makes a woman radiant. (19:28)
• Falling victim to being a victim in life. (23:27)

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Where does shame begin?

Shame is rooted in the fear of connection, so for a lot of us it starts in early childhood. 

For me, I think it started when I got held back in second grade. While it doesn’t have the same effect on me as an adult, it was that moment that started me down a path of having affinity for shame, the behaviors that come with it. 

And honestly, it came out with a lot of behaviors I don’t like. I heard from a former classmate that I bullied her in school, and I certainly had a way about me that was destructive to others and my surroundings. All because I had begun to follow the patterns of shame-driven behavior. 

Zooming out on shame, how we talk to ourselves often informs how easily we connect with others, and for a long time I had trouble being who I really was… which made connecting complicated. So, what do we do with shame?

In this episode I’m disclosing some of my own experience with shame and discussing Brené Brown’s insight into how to deal with it.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• What “self-love” requires. (1:08)
• Shame must be spoken of. (5:50)
• Why men need more reps using their words. (12:16)
• General pain = general pain relief. (18:10)
• Taking responsibilities of my short-comings. (24:57)
• Handle shame and you handle depression, addiction, etc. (31:11)

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No more Mr. Nice Guy!

A lot of us probably hear that phrase and chuckle a little bit. Whether you remember an old cartoon or another instance where it was used for comic relief… it’s really no laughing matter! 

Because the truth is, you’re likely a nice guy (or gal). 

A people pleaser. Co-dependent. The “Yes, Dear,” type. And you know what? I was too. 

You can be nice, even good, and still be really bad for your partner. So, how do you break the cycle? That’s where Dr. Robert Glover comes in. 

He’s a coach, licensed marriage therapist, and the author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy!” Dr. Glover is the man who’s going to help you break out of the nice guy shell, get what you want out of life, and be a better partner if you’re in a romantic relationship. 

Once you realize the root cause of being “nice” you’ll be able to heal a lot of pain, and defeat some really bad habits in your life. So, if you’re ready to dig in and take the gloves off, you’ll want to listen to this episode.

In this episode you’ll learn about…

• The Nice Guy Syndrome. (2:04)
• Cooperative, Reciprocal Relationships. (9:50)
• Dealing with toxic shame. (19:20)
• Facing the dragons. (26:05)
• Being conscious, connected, present. (35:12)
• Handling shame in relationships. (43:56)
• Isolation from same sex friendships. (49:11)

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